Beware of the Serrano Chile. If at all possible, avoid ever touching these small, shiny, green pieces of flaming hell.
Last night as I was preparing a tasty pineapple salsa to garnish these delicious teriyaki porkchops I was grilling, I needed to dice just one of these fiery devils to add to the salsa. I chopped one, added it to the mix, and continued on to chop a red bell pepper, my pepper ally in this unfortunate incident. I then started chopping some cilantro when it felt as if I may have slightly sliced my index finger, but i looked down to see no knife damage. Thirty seconds later my thumb started feeling the same symptoms yet there wasn’t even a slight abrasion. I then realized that the Serrano chiles are fierce. More fierce than Tyra Banks making fierce faces to demonstrate to a non-fierce America’s Next Top Model contestant how to be fierce. I washed my hands multiple times but the burn was quite established at this point and it became apparent that Mr. Serrano is to be dealt with like the possible pregnant frogs you dissected in 9th grade- carefully, with rubber gloves, goggles, a knife, and a possible partner.
Five hours later after my smoldering finger-tips were starting to feel relief, I got ready to retire for the evening, which always includes removing my contacts. I had no issues last night but this morning as I attempted to insert these floppy discs into my eyeballs, it was as if I inserted a flaming hot cheeto instead. My eyeballs have never felt such an intense burn. I rushed to remove the contacts but the sensation just got worse, as if now someone was squirting Tapatio into my iris. Those stupid peppers, that should come with a Surgeon General’s warning, somehow attached their hellish heat rays to my contacts! So much for that new pair of contacts I just opened three days ago. I washed my hands another 22 times and tried again with a new pair…and HOW is it possible my one eyeball is still slightly feeling the wrath? Serrano chile…you can go back to hell…where you apparently came from.
